


Under My Wing

by Reylovution



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: All the Reylo Feels, Angst, Character Development, F/M, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Reylo - Freeform, Romance, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Smut, redemption arc
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-04
Updated: 2016-01-19
Packaged: 2018-05-11 18:13:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 22,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5636932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reylovution/pseuds/Reylovution
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kylo Ren is determined to finish the scavenger Rey. But when he tracks her to the small island where she is training with Luke Skywalker, he is surprised by an invitation to stay. Luke and Rey are hoping they can win Ren back to the side of the light, but as time passes and passions flare Rey begins to wonder how dear the cost will be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Troubled Knight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo Ren finds himself haunted by the scavenger from Jakku.

The star destroyer glided soundlessly through space as Kylo Ren sat on the edge of the bed in his quarters. In his hands he held the new mask that had just been delivered from the armory, his previous helmet having been left behind on Starkiller Base. It was of the same design and fine craftsmanship, but this one did not bear the same scars of battles past, evidence of so many planets beaten into submission and star systems forced to submit to the First Order.

"Is it adequate, Sir?" the filtered voice of the storm trooper at his side startled Ren out of his reverie. He tossed the helmet aside onto the bed next to him.

"It's fine. You're dismissed."

As the door hissed shut behind the retreating white figure, Ren reached for the mask again. He passed his thumb across the silver ridges around the eyes, felt the cool metal chill against his palms. He waited for the familiar feeling of self-satisfied pride that he usually felt when contemplating his mask. He knew it was frightening-that was the whole point of the thing. He'd relished the fear and loathing that this mask had brought to the face of more than one resistance pilot or insurgent villager. Putting the mask on had always been an essential part of getting himself prepared to do the work of the First Order-of continuing the work of his Grandfather.

But nothing came. Instead, he just felt empty, as he sat there and stared at it, the blank eye shield reflecting back his own gaze. And instead of the pride and the self-satisfaction and the fury, all he could think of was her voice. Her voice, shaking with fear but still defiant.

_"That happens when you're being hunted by a creature in a mask."_

Suddenly the fury welled up in him, and he flung the helmet across the room, where it banged against the wall and skidded off harmlessly.

 _What a fool,_ he thought, and he wasn't certain whether this was directed at himself or _her_ , that filthy scavenger from Jakku. He had looked into her mind and he had seen her loneliness, and winced now to remember her joy at being an accomplice of the legendary Han Solo. _How dare she,_ he thought furiously. _How dare she think that a few days spent with Han Solo could possibly allow her to know him better than me?_

His eyes darkened as he remembered the way she had called him a monster, spitting it at him as if she had the right to pass judgement. While those she would idolize, those heroes of the Resistance, they were the _true_ monsters. He remembered it well, how he had been forgotten, neglected and ignored as a child, always shoved aside in favor of some new emergency, something more urgent. _And she would call them comrades, and judge me._

He had to find her. With his blood simmering, he stumbled over to the large window in his quarters, and looked with both his eyes and the Force into the galaxy. She had left him there, on Starkiller Base, left him there to die as the earth split open between them. Left him there to die after he had offered to take this girl without any family under his wing, to teach her and train her.

But he was not dead, and he would show her what a creature he was, how truly monstrous he could be. She would see.


	2. Memory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Safe on AHCH-TO with Luke Skywalker, Rey dares to remember her experiences with Kylo Ren. She's in for a big surprise as her memory draws her closer to her than she ever imagined...

Rey sighed with relief as she warmed her fingers on the hot cup of tea, the steam rising into the cold air. "That feels good. And smells good."

The jedi knight smiled at her. "It's a lot better than what I was fed during my training on Dagoba, that's for sure."

She returned his smile as he settled himself around the fire, across from her. Suddenly she laughed, breaking the gravity of the moment with her giggles. "I'm sorry–I just can't–this is…" She furrowed her brow and suddenly stopped laughing as she caught sight of his perplexed look. "Sorry. It's just…"

"What?" He was at a loss.

"You're….You're Luke Skywalker! And you are a Jedi! And the Force is real! And it's not all just fantasy, and I am here, actually here, and not on Jakku, stupid stupid Jakku, and I just can't believe it…" Suddenly, her head swimming, she felt faint.

He peered at her intently. "Take a deep breath. You must bring yourself to calm, if you cannot bring calm to yourself." He nodded approvingly as Rey quieted her mind. "I know you have many questions. And I don't know that I will be able to answer all of them."

"Because you can't-or you won't?" She asked sharply.

Luke Skywalker's eyes flashed at her in the firelight. He stared at her for a moment, then nodded slowly. "I see. When you fought him, you saw things. Memories-of me. Of what happened."

She shook her head, confused now and embarrassed that she had challenged him. "I don't know what I saw. I know only that-he was angry. That he felt…ignored, neglected perhaps."

Skywalker sighed deeply as he rose, turning from her a moment and leaning against the stacked stone wall of the structure. "Yes," he said. "That is my fault. I can take responsibility for that. Ben needed a father and…" Here he paused and faced her, his eyes shining with unshed tears. "And I was too busy with my own dreams about being a great Jedi teacher to really notice what was happening with him. "

"Ben?" she said softly.

Skywalker smiled at the memory, blinking away the tears in his eyes. "Yes. Named for a great Jedi, a hero of the resistance. I will tell you his story one day. If Ben had still been alive, if Yoda had still been alive…" he sighed, his frustration apparent. "If I hadn't been the last living Jedi Knight, i could have spent more time with Ben. Given him the attention Han never did, really taught him how to resist the dark side. But…" He shook his head sadly. "I felt like it was up to me to resurrect the whole tradition. I tried to do too much, to teach too many. And it all came crashing down."

Rey gazed into the steam rising from her mug. "When your sister-when General Organa sent me here, she told me that she had believed that Kylo-that _Ben_ still had light in him. That she still thought he could be saved." She raised her eyes to Skywalker, shaking her head. "Which…I don't understand. He killed his father. He's killed so many, tortured so many. How could there still be any light in him?"

Skywalker smiled, a sad smile. He crossed to sit beside her. "Rey," he hesitated, and then continued. "When you were force-locked with him, what did you sense inside his mind?

She thought. "Hate. Fear. A desire to control."

Skywalker nodded. "Yes, of course. And what else?"

Rey stared into the fire, stiffening her back. "N-Nothing," she stammered. "Just-ugliness. That's all."

Skywalker tilted his head at her. "Face the truth, Rey. A jedi must be able to see things as they are-not as we want them to be." He nodded at her encouragingly. "Close your eyes. What was beneath all of that?"

She stubbornly gazed into the fire for a moment longer, than squeezed her eyes shut. She had come here for training, hadn't she? She would do as this old Jedi said.

"Remember…remember. When you were in his mind, and he in yours. Go beneath the surface. "

Rey deepened her breathing as she recalled the unpleasant memory of being inside Kylo Ren's mind. For several long, frustrating moments the memory simply danced before her, but as she continued to examine it she felt it grow larger, until she could imagine herself stepping into it. And then she was there-inside the memory so clearly that she could almost feel the interrogation chair underneath her. Focus, she thought, and turned to see him there, standing before her. She felt it again, the intense pushing of his mind into here, and like before she bore down and pushed back until she found herself with the mind of Kylo Ren.

It felt like a cold slap of icy seawater, the chaotic brew of self-loathing and will to destroy. Rey gasped, feeling like her breath was stolen from her as she struggled to get a foothold in that toxic stew of memory. "I can't–" she whimpered.

She felt Skywalker take her hand, felt his cool strength beside her. "Go beneath it, Rey."

She took a deep breath. She plunged down, deeper. beneath that level of hate and fear. Beneath the desire to maim and kill. And for so long it just felt like-nothing. Like numbness. A cold and never-ending numbness that she was sure would last forever. Some part of her knew that time was passing around her, and she felt Skywalker set a rough blanket around her shoulders. Deeper and deeper she fell into this trance, into the sea of Kylo Ren's numbness, becoming increasingly aware of a bottom–Yes, there was something there, something very big, and she was so close now.

Suddenly she sat up, the blanket falling from her shoulders as she wailed loudly, the pain overtaking her as she lost all sense of difference between who she was, who he was. "I'm so–I'm so lonely! Oh, oh-it hurts!"

Yes, she felt it-the loneliness, there at his core. Or was she feeling the loneliness at her own center? It felt so familiar, this sense of loss. This feeling of something lacking, something missing. Images swirled before her. His mother, engrossed in deep conversations for hours with politicians trying to get them to support the Resistance. The Millennium Falcon, taking off and taking Han Solo on yet another adventure away. Herself, as a young child, extending her small hand with just a few pitiful parts for exchange and getting only a 1/8th portion. Wondering if it was even worth the expenditure of water to cook. Both of them, feeling so lonely and unregarded. So desperate for attention that either of them might be susceptible to the skilled manipulations of an evil man. But only one of them had been important enough to draw his attention. Young Ben Solo, a fine prize for the taking.

Rey felt sadness and pity dawn in her heart as she understood, finally, what had happened to the child of Leia Organa and Han Solo, to the nephew of Luke Skywalker. As she understood what she had escaped, growing up unnoticed on Jakku, her force sensitivity something that no one could use against her. How could she have thought to judge him, when she had no idea of what he had been through–had suffered through.

_Scavanger? How dare you-get out of my head!_

The words in her mind came with a blast of fury, and Rey's eyes snapped wide open with shock. Skywalker rushed to her side and she grabbed his hand for support. "It's not a memory," she gasped. "I'm not in his memory. I'm in his mind-now. And he knows."

The seasick feeling was back, his fury pounding into her head as he attempted to force her out. She felt him discover her feelings of pity for him, and the response of rage was enough to push her to her knees.

 _Stop_ , she thought at him. _I didn't mean to do this. I didn't mean to be in your head. But I see you, I can feel you–Ben!_

 _You will die scavenger, you will die. I'll destroy you, and Skywalker too, Yes I see him there with you._ She got a clear image of her and Luke, choking, bloody and cut down with a red light saber.

_It doesn't have to be like this, Ben. I know you–I know how lonely you are. How numb you've had to make yourself to get through it all. It doesn't have to be like that._

_I'm coming for you,_ he thought at her, with one last blast of blood and hatred. And then he was gone.


	3. Ren's Arrival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo Ren's arrival on AHCH-TO goes very differently than he had imagined.

He had expected them to run, or hide. He had half-expected fifty X-wing fighters to be waiting when he dropped out of hyperspace and came into orbit above the small planet. But as his small ship descended down into the rocky planet, he knew they had not run or called in a fighting force. He knew Luke Skywalker and the Scavenger were there, but alone. He could sense this through the Force. He could sense through the Force that there was no duplicity forthcoming, no traps set.

It made him uneasy.

As he landed the small ship and cautiously disembarked he sensed her immediately, waiting a few hundred feet up the rocky shore; likely she had sensed him coming since he dropped into orbit.

"Hello, Ben."

He paused. "Ben Solo is dead. I killed him."

She nodded. "So I've heard. But I found him alive, deep down inside of you."

He ignited his saber then and stepped forward towards her menacingly, expecting her to draw her own. Instead, she continued to examine him.

"Why are you wearing your mask? I've seen you without it now. You don't need it."

"Stop delaying this. Draw your saber and fight me."

She gazed at him for a few more moments before turning away and walking up the long path towards the top of the island.

"Sure, I'll fight you. But first Luke Skywalker wants to talk to you."

* * *

 

He followed her up the mountain, her lithe form in front of him handling the snaking steps with ease. He knew well where they were; this place was a legend, and at the training academy they used to tell hushed stories of the first Jedi that had gathered here to train and study. The hundreds of thousands of stacked stones against the verdant green of the hills were as beautiful as he imagined, and he swallowed back a childlike sense of wonder and desire to explore.

As they crested the top of the island, Skywalker was waiting for him. Kylo Ren laid his hand on the hilt of his lightsaber, ready to press the button and ignite the spitting red fire at the first sign of trouble.

"So this is where the great Jedi Luke Skywalker hides from the First Order," he said, knowing the voice filtered through the mask be a mutation of what Luke remembered.

"Not so great, maybe." Skywalker cocked his head to one side, slowly waking a little closer to Ren and then sitting on a crumbling foundation of stacked stones. Rey joined him, kneeling first to stoke the fire before taking a seat.

"Not so great a Jedi that I was able to see the harm I was doing to you-to the entire Resistance. Not so great a Jedi that I wasn't able to see past my own ambitions to what those around me needed." He looked at Ren with sad eyes, eyes filled with regret. "Not so great a Jedi that I didn't make grievous errors."

Ren scowled inside his mask. "Don't think you can manipulate me, Jedi. Nothing can divert me from the path I have chosen."

Skywalker shook his head. "I'm not trying to manipulate you, Ben. I'm trying to make things right. Or make a small step towards making it right."

"Your efforts are useless. Stand and fight me and you will see I have grown past you."

"Stop!" Rey rose, her eyes bright with anger. "God damn it Ben, will you listen to him? He wants to finish your training."

Ren almost ignited his light saber then and there and cut down the both of them. How dare they want him-now? After everything? But instead, he reached his hands up and activated the buttons that released his helmet. As he drew it over his face he felt the cool, damp air of the island settle over him, coil into his curls.

Rey's passion was a burning light in his consciousness, but he stared at Skywalker. "Why," he asked quietly, with terrifying fierceness, "would you want to do that?"

Skywalker stood up, and drew closer to Ren. "Because you are my apprentice. And because i did it all wrong the first time around. I should have concentrated on training just a few-and really seen your training through, and then you could have helped me in training others. I was afraid, so afraid that the First Order would take everything we had worked for. I wanted everything too fast, and I tried to do it all myself. And I didn't do any of it right."

He paused, and then with courage, drew closer, and placed his hand on Ren's shoulder. "And because I miss you Ben. You are my nephew. I love you, and I should have been there for you when your parents…" He shook his head sadly. "Well, when they weren't."

Ren's face betrayed no emotion, but he stepped back until Skywalker's hand dropped from his shoulder, and looked away. He thought furiously, shielding his mind from the scavenger. He knew there were things about the Force that Snoke could never teach him, secrets that only Jedi Knights with their knowledge of the Light had mastery over. If he could gain access to those secrets, he could use them to defeat the Resistance-and to bring glory to the First Order.

He wouldn't be able to hide his intentions. No, in the rigor of the training he would be found out-he knew that. So he would have to be clear about it and not pretend to have turned. They would know otherwise.

"If I do this," he said, turning back to Skywalker abruptly, "You mustn't think I owe you loyalty in any way, or that I am pledging myself to you. I am loyal to the First Order."

Skywalker bowed his head in agreement. "Of course–though I do hope you change your min-"

"I won't," he stated dully. His gaze shifted to Rey, who had been sitting quietly next to the fire as this had been taking place. "And the scavenger–what about her?"

Skywalker half-smiled. "As I said. You'll help me in training others."

He was rewarded with two sets of shocked eyes.


	4. The Match

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo Ren and Rey face off in the training room, with an unexpected outcome.

Rey's staff clattered to the floor again as Ren's wooden pole took her in the side. Dropping into a roll, she deftly moved out of the way of another hit, wincing as she heard how hard the stick rebounded off the training room floor.

"You're fast," Kylo Ren said, turning in a tight circle as she crouched and rolled around him, evading the staff.

"I am," she responded, sneering at him.

"But I'm bigger…and stronger." It was true. He had almost a foot on her and he used it to his full advantage as he slammed the staff towards her again. She ducked and it missed her narrowly. Seeing her chance as he recovered, she shot out her foot and kicked his ankles. As he fell to the floor she grabbed her staff from the ground and knocked his away. She placed the sharper edge at his throat, staring down at him as his chest heaved.

"You surrender, then?"

He scowled at her. "That was dirty, inelegant. What I'd expect from a filthy Jakku scavenger."

She raised an eyebrow, put a little weight on the point.

"Surrender," she insisted.

Suddenly he grew still beneath her, the fight going out of his eyes as the scowl wore off his face. She hesitated, continuing to hold the staff to his throat as he simply lay there on the training mat, his lean muscles white against the black floor.

"We've been here before," he said, his voice sounding strange; lower, careful. She blinked at him, trying and failing to discern his meaning.

"Y-yes," she stuttered, haltingly. "We've been training in this room for almost two weeks now. Stop stalling, Solo, and surrender."

She had used his proper last name purposefully to get a rise out of him, but her ploy failed as he continued to gaze up at her. His eyes were dark, unreadable.

"No, on Starkiller base. I was down, and wounded; you could have killed me. Why didn't you, Rey?"

She felt a shiver move through her as he said her name. She didn't like the intimacy it implied; she prefered it when he called her simply "Scavenger". She swallowed roughly, her eyes clouding over with the memory of that strange snow-filled forest.

"The darkness-I felt it," she admitted. She didn't want to tell him this, but she was desperate to confess it to anyone. She was ashamed to tell Master Luke, worried he would deem her unworthy and send her away. "It told me to kill you but-I was afraid. Of what I would become."

The memory caused her to falter in her hold on the staff, and Ren took advantage, reaching up with his muscled arm to grab the pole and wrench it free from her grasp. Before she knew it, he had kicked her own legs out from under her, and she hit the mat hard. He threw the staff, and she heard it hit the wall and clatter to the floor as she struggled to regain her breath. Before she could, he had rolled on top of her, and was straddling her torso, pinning her shoulders to the ground with cool hands.

"No," he said, those dark eyes smug and triumphant now. "It wasn't your fear that made you fail, _Scavenger_. It was your pathetic weakness, this adherence to the light. You will never be able to defeat me as long as you hold onto that ridiculous sentiment." He sneered the last word, leaning down close to her .

She struggled against him, her smaller size and lesser strength clear now. But he was too strong, and she felt her cheeks grow red with humiliation as his ability to dominate her in this way was made apparent.

Finally, with a small cry she turned her head to the side and ceased her struggle. She lay limp, her mortification complete. Tears leaked from her shut eyes and pooled on the training room floor.

"Why-why are you crying?" She didn't expect his voice to be soft in the way it was, and she looked up at him with surprise and suspicion. His face looked the same as it had when he has interrogated her on the Star Destroyer- sensitive, almost fearful, as if she was capable of maiming him when _she_ was the strapped to the chair, a captive being tortured.

She shook her head angrily. "Because you're hurting me. Humiliating me. Baiting me, like I'm some kind of toy."

Ren continued gazing down at her with the almost-blank look on his face, not understanding. Finally, she near-shouted, "You're meant to be training me. I–I didn't think it would be like this. " She turned her head away again, refusing to meet his uncomprehending look.

Suddenly Ren was off her, and he crossed to the low bench at the far side of the room. He slipped into a dark tunic and turned to face her. His expression was different now-softer, maybe slightly ashamed. He watched her as she slowly brought herself to a sitting position, still reluctant to meet his gaze. But what he said next caused her eyes to fly to his face in shock.

"I'm sorry." His voice was quiet, soft, his eyes cast down at the floor. "It's–It's easy to forget, you know. How the Jedi training should be." His eyes closed now, and he lifted his hands to his face, covering it for a moment as he hunched his shoulders and shuddered. "There's just…been so much pain since I…took up other training methods."

Rey could think of nothing to say. His intimacy startled her, and her cheeks flushed red again. He dropped his hands from his face and his eyes were on her now. Their gaze met, and this time it was not Rey who reached into his mind but he into hers.

She knew that he was holding back, and that the pain he was showing her was only a sampling of what he had experienced, been subjected to at the hands of Snoke. It was enough to make her gasp and withdraw sharply, clutching the ground around her with trembling fingers.

She raised her gaze to where he had been standing, so many questions flooding her mind - _Why did you stay? Why did you go in the first place?_ \- but he was already gone, a retreating figure clad in black with his arms wrapped around himself tightly.

* * *

 

She had been furious with Luke Skywalker when he announced that Kylo Ren would be in charge of her training. It had taken her a long time to truly understand the brilliance of his plan to continue Ren's training, but once she understood what Skywalker was up to, she agreed with it. She saw that allowing Ren to spend time with the Master Jedi could help resolve the issues that had led to his decision to commit atrocious acts, and that the repair of this relationship could turn him towards the light again. She understood that. Really, she did.

But she didn't see why this meant she needed to be vulnerable to him, in any way, ever again.

"He needs to care about something again," Skywalker had said to her after she angrily confronted him. "He needs to feel trusted-by me and by you."

She had whirled on him, furious. "But I don't trust him-I could never! He murdered people-he murdered his father-he almost killed Finn!" Her voice trembled at the memory.

Skywalker had been patient with her, but insistent. "I believed till the end that my father had good in him. I was right, and it was this belief that gave us the opportunity to bring down the Emperor. We must believe in Ben. We must give him the opportunity to show us that there is light in him. "

In the end, she had agreed to allow Kylo Ren to oversee her training. The past two weeks they had quietly met in the afternoons after Ren had his lessons with Master Luke. So far the training had been purely physical–unarmed combat training drills, staff sparring, lightsaber basics, stamina training. She knew that Ren was avoiding bringing up the Force; no doubt he was fearful that it would result in the same unwanted intimacy that they had experienced twice now. Until today's training session they had barely spoken. Their interaction had been limited to instruction on his part and reluctant questions or request for clarification on her part.

Why had today been different? She wondered this as she gathered with Skywalker for their evening meal. Ren generally ate alone in his quarters, preferring solitude to the quiet conversations and company that Rey and Luke offered. Rey was dragging a hunk of the thick bread they baked on the island through her stew when Luke spoke.

"I told him today that he must begin your Force training tomorrow. I know he's been avoiding it. I know he's afraid."

Rey struggled to get down the bite of bread and stew over the lump of surprise that rose in her throat. Luke's wise eyes examined her.

"Are you afraid?" he asked, gently.

She cast her eyes downward, not feeling ashamed exactly but-well, sad perhaps. Sad for this man and his failure - his sulking, black clad failure that had caused so much pain and was likely to cause so much more.

"Yes," she admitted. "I am afraid."

He nodded, and put a comforting hand on her shoulder. "You are wise to be."


	5. Encounter in the Woods

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ren and Rey have their third encounter in the woods. This one is very different from their first two.

The silence in the training room was complete, and the light coming into the room from the few windows was like the water that surrounded the whole island; grey, stormy, and cold. The two men in the room were so quiet that it was easy to miss them at first, lost in the shadows. They sat on the floor, in lotus position. Though they were facing each other, each of them had their face hidden under a hood of rough weave. Much time had passed before the elder of the men rose his head and drew down his hood, a gleam revealing the robotic only half hidden under his sleeve.

Skywalker examined the figure before him for several long moments. _If only I could reach across the past several years_ , he thought, _and undo all the mistakes. We might be here like this, now, but in peace._

But as the younger man raised his own face and took down his own hood the fantasy was forgotten. It wasn't only the red scar running lengthwise across Kylo Ren's face that spoke of the gulf between them; it was the darkness in his nephew's eyes. For Luke, the most difficult moments weren't when he looked into Ben's eyes and saw only cold darkness. No, it was hardest when he could see the struggle that the man was experiencing, the battle between the light and the dark. Skywalker could see that struggle in his eyes today.

Finally, Kylo Ren spoke. "You were foolish to involve her in this," he spat out, those dark eyes flashing at Skywalker before looking away. "If you care for her, you'd send her away. Her proximity to me only puts her in danger."

 _How his mind circles around her,_ Skywalker thought, not for the first time, _worrying at her like a knot he simply can't untie._

"Were you not coming here to kill her?" Luke asked. "And yet, now you are concerned for her safety. " Ren only tossed his dark hair in a frustrated shake of his head; a denial of his concern.

"You would have me send her away, then," Skywalker said sedately. " As she was sent away before-a measure that failed to ensure her safety."

He was rewarded with a glare.

"The question is, will you tell her who she is?" Skywalker asked. "Will you tell her that you hid this from Snoke even after you suspected it? What will you say when she asks you why?"

At this, Ren rose to his feet. "I did not reveal who she was because I was unsure," he snapped. "Your speculation otherwise is unwarranted." He spun on his heel and stalked from the training room, grabbing his warm, wool cloak where it was hanging on an ancient nail. Drawing it around himself, he headed out into the wilds of the island. It was a rough place, having been abandoned thousands of years ago by the Jedi knights who had built it. The knights who had lived here had been formidable people, able to live for months at a time with no contact from the outside world. They had sustained themselves on the island, raising their own farm animals, making their own beer, honey, and coaxing vegetables from the hard soil. It had been a hard, difficult life, but they had been the first to cultivate the Force and in this place they had developed what would come to be known as the Jedi code, which would rule their kind for over a thousand generation.

Until his grandfather helped murder them all.

Ren pushed that thought aside as the wind howled off the ocean, cold and unforgiving. He headed towards a grove of small trees, where the wind would be less direct. As he entered the small pine forest, he breathed a sigh of relief as the temperature warmed a few degrees. Dry needles were soft underneath his boots, and the forest was blessedly silent.

Ben Solo had been raised in the city. In many cities, actually, always going from place to place with his mother as she traveled to build support for the Resistance. As a child and teenager he had been told over and over that he was lucky, being able to see so much of the known galaxy. He had nodded, agreeing always, but in his secret heart he had longed for something like this; a quiet, simple place. Capital cities were loud, divisive scenes where disorder reigned. There had been so many unfamiliar hotel rooms, borrowed apartments, unknown nanny after nanny. When his Uncle Luke had told him stories of Tatooine, stories of a small desert planet where nothing much happened, Ben Solo had been jealous. He had always yearned to live in a place where nothing much happened.

Ren walked several hundred feet into the forest, coming finally to a tree that was taller than all those around it. He had stopped here on previous walks. Usually, this grand being stilled something inside of him, a gnawing feeling inside of his chest. But today he continued to feel agitated, even after closing his tired eyes and leaning his aching forehead against the rough bark of the tree.

He could feel it. The crest of a wave, riding towards him. It had been haunting him for weeks now. It was a tidal wave of pain, regret, and sorrow. It had been building for many years, growing stronger with each evil deed committed. It had drawn much closer now in the wake of his most recent atrocity-the murder of his father, Han Solo. He knew that he could not survive this wave; that if he let it envelop him he would surely drown. As it drew close, he felt a dry sob rack his body. _What's happening to me?_ He thought desperately. _I can't let myself be pulled apart this way._ In response, he ground his forehead into the bark of the tree and felt pain flare as the soft tissue of his healing scar was ripped open. The pain blossomed and he whimpered, but in that moment felt cleared of his weakness and the wave receded.

A sounded behind him-a gasp. He whirled around, drops of blood leaking down his forehead.

Rey stood several feet from him, her eyes wide with her own regret. "I'm sorry," she spoke so quickly the words stumbled over themselves. "I wasn't spying, I was just walking in the woods and turned the corner and there you were and I'll just go-"

She fell silent, struck by the expression on his face. He was suddenly so tired, too tired to be enraged at her or to care what she thought of him or to wonder if she had heard him there sobbing in the forest.

"You're hurt," she said, gesturing at his face. "You're bleeding."

"Yes," he responded, making no move to do anything about it.

She hesitated, then reached behind her into her satchel. She made a few steps towards him, then a few more. "I have-here." She tried to hand him a clean bandage, but he only looked down at her hands and then back at her, numb. She knit her eyebrows together and hesitated again. Then, taking a deep breath, as if gathering her courage, she stepped in close to him and, reaching up, held the clean towel against his forehead.

"What happened?" she asked. He shook his head, mute. His eyes were utterly unreadable, and darker and deeper than she had ever seen.

They had been this close, before, many times. They had been closer, of course, on the training mat, and on the Star Destroyer, and when they were trying to kill each other on Starkiller Base. But they had never been close before and _still_ , at peace. Ren had never noticed before that her eyes weren't brown-they were hazel, with warm flecks of gold and green. She had never had cause to be gentle with him before, as she was being now.

"You're...being kind to me." His voice was soft, and cautious, as it had been the day before when he was apologizing. She looked at him, startled, finding that she could read his expression now. There was wonder in those fathomless eyes, as he gazed down at her. He pressed his hand to hers where she was holding the bandage to his forehead. She heard him exhale, shakily, and felt the warmth from his breath touch her face. She felt, for one wild second, how easy it would be to take one step closer, to turn her face up towards his, to twist her fingers into his curls, to pull his lips down to hers...

"Right," she said. With heat flaming in her cheeks she stepped back, slipping her hand out from under his, leaving him holding the bandage on his own. "I've got to prepare for our lesson. I'll see you in the training room." He didn't reply; his expression shifted again to darkness as pulled away.

He watched her retreat. And knew, for certain, that she had to be sent away.


	6. The Smile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo Ren and Rey find themselves alone on the island when Luke Skywalker must visit his sister's sickbed. During an intimate moment, Ren sees a side of Kylo that she had never thought to imagine.

Kylo Ren began instructing Rey in the Force that afternoon, as he had been ordered by Luke Skywalker. At first, it seemed that all Rey's fears had been for nothing. Ren instructed her in meditation, taught her the philosophy behind the Force, and drilled her in techniques such as telekinesis and the mind trick. What had come so easy on the Star Destroyer and Starkiller Base came harder now as she attempted to focus and hone her powers. There was none of the terrifying mind-locking that they had experienced on the Star Destroyer , and both of them began to relax somewhat as the first month of instruction passed.

They were nearing the end of Kylo Ren's second month on the island when they were surprised by the arrival of the Millennium Falcon. Rey ran down the hundreds of stone steps to the shore to meet the ship, daring to hope that it would be carrying her friend who she had last seen in a medically induced coma on D'Qar. Though she was happy to see Chewbacca, she was disappointed to hear that Finn was still being treated in the medical center, though no longer in critical care. However, Chewie had come with much more serious news.

"My sister has fallen very ill," Luke Skywalker said to her. "I must go to her. You may come if you wish, but I think you should stay here and continue your training. I've already asked Ben to consider coming home to see his mother; he refuses. But he is willing to remain here."

Rey nodded, uncertain. Being more comfortable training with Kylo Ren was one thing; living alone on a island with him was another entirely.

"Stay," Luke urged. "Continue the training. Be his reason to remain instead of going back to Snoke. "

He said his goodbyes to both of them, promising to return soon.

The days continued on. Since Ren was not training with Skywalker in the mornings, he and Rey met twice a day now to train. This left Rey more exhausted now than she could ever recall being, and she often found herself too tired to even light the fire in the evenings before crawling into the pile of blankets and falling into a dreamless sleep. Sometimes, when she woke in the mornings and watched the weak light come into her small cell she found herself missing the fierce light and heat of Jakku. However, she was mostly content, if somewhat lonely without the quiet company of Luke Skywalker. She and Ren gave each other wide berth, taking pains to avoid any more uncomfortable encounters.

Still, she noticed the young man was changing. He wasn't as thin, for one, and his once-pale face now had more color in it. When he had first arrived, he would spend hours staring out to the grey, storm-tossed sea, and now he was more likely to be found rebuilding the stone steps where the stacked stone had long ago fallen into disrepair, or nosing through the old, moldy books that Skywalker had found in a damp cellar and was attempting to translate.

It had been almost two weeks since Skywalker had left when she arrived early into the training room one morning, only to find it already occupied. As she stood in the shadow of the doorway, Rey watched Ren as he performed a series of fluid martial arts stretches. It was a pattern he had been instructing her in, but she had yet to see him perform the full sequence. As she watched, she appreciated for the first time its elegance and languid beauty. Ren didn't make a sound as he moved his body through the positions, and when Rey saw the expression on his face, she had a hard time placing it. Then, she realized it was a look of peace. Kylo Ren looked peaceful.

All at once, Rey felt as if she was intruding on an intimate moment. There was something about the gentleness of his movements that made her feel as if she knew him, though this was no Kylo Ren she had ever seen. She felt, suddenly, as if she was looking at the Ben Solo that might have been, if Snoke had never gotten ahold of him.

As he came to the end of the sequence, he stood in a neutral position and then with a deep sigh, opened his eyes. Somehow nervous, Rey came further into the room.

"That was...beautiful," she said.

He stepped back, guardedness coming back into his eyes.

"No, I mean it, " she said, moving towards where he was standing in the center of the room. "Will you...show me?" She dropped her thick shawl and went into the first pose. Her eyes reached out to his, questioning.

He hesitated and then stepped forward. "Almost...like this." He reached out, his eyes asking permission. She nodded, and he placed one of his large hands on her elbow, drawing it back ever so slightly, and then touching right above her hip, rotating her slightly.

"There-do you feel that?" And she did-the alignment of the pose that had eluded her was suddenly so clear. In her excitement she grinned at him, and in the surprised receipt of that gift, Kylo Ren utterly forgot himself and smiled back.


	7. Kylo Ren's Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo Ren broods over the past 15 years.

Kylo Ren was walking alone among the shore at dawn, brooding.

He hadn’t been given to brooding lately, but today he felt lost in memory and it suited him. He was feeling agitated, unsure of himself after his encounter with Rey yesterday. Who is she to smile at me, he thought moodily. But the memory of it still warmed a part of him that wasn’t Kylo Ren. That had never been Kylo Ren.

He knew the galaxy thought he was Snoke’s creature, but he wasn’t, not fully. Oh, it wasn’t for lack of trying. He had flung himself at the dark side desperately over the past decade, trying and failing to extinguish the light inside of him. He had succeeded partially. He was no Jedi, but neither was he Sith. In the middle he hung, painfully suspended, driven to darker and darker deeds as he attempted to finalize his transformation. It had maddened the Supreme Leader that his apprentice was unable to achieve mastery, and Snoke had been convinced that cutting down Han Solo would be the final step that Ren needed to take.

Ren had wanted to believe it. He had tried to believe it, and so he had done the task, hoping that with the murder of his father the struggle would go out of him and he would be fully Sith. But as his father dropped over the edge he felt only weakened, and he knew, as he had always suspected, that he had cemented his fate long ago.

* * *

He remembered when she had first arrived at the Jedi training academy. He had never seen Master Luke falter in his focus, but for the three-year old toddler he was willing to drop almost anything to perform a trick to delight her. He knew that there had been tremendous arguments against bringing the girl there, but in the end Luke had won out, arguing that there was no safer place for her to be.

She had changed the place. Her laughter and antics softened Master Luke, and that in turn allowed all the young Jedi students to relax a bit.  The First Order had been harassing some of the planets in the Outer Rim and regularly interrupting trade routes, so everyone was on edge.  But Kira brought light and life to the Jedi Temple, and she loved the way all the Jedi students doted on her. But of all of them, Ben Solo was her favorite.

At 13, he was already tall and she often ran up to him with her arms outstretched, begging for a ride on his shoulders.  He would oblige, and she would shriek as she dug her small hands in his curls and hang on while he ran, probably too fast, letting her pretend she was an X-Wing pilot escaping a TIE fighter.

He often found himself wondering why she, who at such a young age had seen such darkness, was so happy, while he was given to such moroseness even though his life had been relatively easy. Because even as Kira’s presence at the training center gave everyone new reasons to smile, Ben found himself increasingly moody and irritable. This did not escape the notice of Master Luke, and under his instruction Ben began to chafe. He grew frustrated as reports of First Order incursions came in with growing regularity, tales of their savagery in villages along the Outer Rim shocking everyone.

“We should be doing something,” he said to his Uncle one afternoon. “If we don’t, there will be more children like Kira, orphans whose parents have been hunted down in cold blood.”

The Jedi Master gave him a look of disappointment. “We’ve been over this, Ben. What would you have me do? The apprentices are not ready. The way of the Force is not to be reckless, but to wait until we are prepared.”

Ben reached to his belt and unhooked his light saber, holding the hilt forward with eagerness. “We have enough people who know how to use these.  We must attack, now, when they are still gathering strength.” He searched Skywalker’s face, hopeful of persuading him.

Luke shook his head sadly at the younger boy.  “A Jedi uses the Force for knowledge and defense, never for attack,” he reminded him.  “The New Republic is seeking a diplomatic solution with the First Order.  The Jedi have not been asked to intervene in any case. I couldn’t take us to fight even if I thought it was a good idea.”

Ben had stormed away then, angry and disillusioned. What good was being a Jedi if you couldn’t the Force to protect innocent people? What good was The Force if you were only allowed to use it when a bureaucratic government gave you permission? He had heard his mother complain about the Senate enough times to have much faith in their ability to come to a timely decision.

When Kylo Ren looked back, he could pinpoint that moment as when it all began to fall apart. That night, a seed of doubt was planted in his heart. Whatever happened afterwards, whether it was free will or the manipulations of the Supreme Leader, he knew that he started it all by doubting. It all happened so fast after that. It started with dark, disturbing dreams that left him unfocused and muddled during the day. Eventually, he began to hear voices even during his waking hours. The voices pointed out the mistakes being made around the Jedi Training Academy. As Skywalker had become increasingly ambitious about training more Jedi, he had brought more Force-sensitive young men and women into the academy. But as the only living Jedi Master, that left him alone to oversee the training of over a hundred people. Gone were Ben’s personal training sessions with his Uncle, sacrificed in order to make more room for instruction in classes of twenty or more students at a time. He tried, but he couldn’t help resenting this. He could only watch helplessly as the closeness he had enjoyed with his Uncle for years was lost as the Jedi Knight became buried under more and more duties. As this relationship disappeared, Ben felt increasingly isolated from the other students as he continued to suffer from dark dreams and hear voices that whispered horrible things during the day.

Throughout all of this it was only little Kira who he could stand to be around. She was the only one who could make him smile anymore, and when he told her stories he forgot his nightmares from the night before. But even his relationship with her receded into the background as one figure began to take center in his dreams, in his mind.

 _“I know who you are, boy,_ ” the voice whispered. “ _I know who you are better than yourself. They’ve been lying to you_.”  He tried to push the voice away, using the meditative techniques drilled into all the students. But it got into his brain, into his soul, and he began to feel a wedge of suspicious resentment at his core that flared up whenever Uncle Luke was near.

It finally happened on one of the rare evenings that Master Luke had called for him to come share his evening meal. Ben had been mostly silent, until Skywalker had brought up a recent First Order skirmish in a village on Ryloth. Two hundred villagers had been murdered, their corpses desecrated.

Ben threw his spoon down in disgust. “Enough,” he shouted. “When are we going to do something about this scourge?”

Skywalker made no reply, simply tightened his jaw and stared at the furious boy.

“It’s….cowardly to do nothing,” Ben argued. “I can barely stand myself, and I certainly don’t know how you live with yourself, doing nothing against this evil.”

Skywalker wiped his mouth with the cloth napkin and threw it down on the table. “You must learn to control this temper of yours, Ben. You’ll simply never be a Jedi if you don’t. Why can you not accept my authority? You are too much like...“ He shook his head and pressed his lips shut.

Ben stared at him. “Who?” he said. “Too much like who?”

But the older man just shook his head again and refused to speak on it anymore.

That night Ben Solo stole a ship and leftthe academy. He knew the Resistance was running a satellite operation off Endor, in case the First Order attempted to scavenge any remains in the area from when it had been an Empire outpost. He had been at the Jedi training academy since he was 7 years old, and he looked older than 13, so when he lied and said he was 16 year old Tade Juamot from Tatooine (he could mimic the accent) no one recognized or questioned him.  They took him on at the base, and his first job was keeping the landing bay clear of any debris so that returning X-Wing fighters could safely land. After a few months he was beginning to despair of actually being able to contribute in an active way, but after a squadron took heavy casualties in a surprise attack on Naboo, he talked his way onto a transport of ground troops bound to defend a small village there.

He was captured almost immediately. Llater, he realized the entire thing had been a ploy, an elegantly executed maneuver to get him into the hands of the First Order and the Supreme Leader.

In front of Snoke for the first time, he had recognized the man’s voice immediately as the one that had been whispering inside his head and haunting his dreams those many months.

“How surprised I am to find youhere, young Solo,” the Sith hissed at him, not bothering to hide his scarred face under the hood of his cloak. “Or has the pull of Luke Skywalker weakened on you?”

Ben had been defiant, furious. “You know nothing about Luke Skywalker,” he spat at Snoke.

The thin, tall figure had just laughed. “Oh, I know more than you think,” he had replied, sounding amused.  

And so he had told Ben Solo, about the truth of Darth Vader. That before he had become the Sith in the feared black helmet his name was Anakin Skywalker. That it had been prophesied that he was the chosen one, the one to bring balance to the Force. That the moment he had refused to do the bidding of the Jedi Council, refused to spy for them in violation of democratic law, they had begun plotting against him.  That, they had disfigured him so badly that he had to spend the rest of his life in a life-support suit.

“Why didn’t they tell me?” Ben had moaned, anger and confusion coursing through him. Snoke had merely smiled.

“Because they saw what I see. You have so much light in you, boy...and so much dark. They didn’t trust you….they didn’t trust you to know.”

“You know nothing!” Ben shouted through veil of tears.  Enraged, he lunged at the Supreme Leader, who used the Force to easily bat him aside.

“Yes,” the Sith hissed. “Feel your anger flow through you.” Screaming, Ben lunged at him again, only to be shunted off with ease. “You are weak!” Snoke shouted at him. “Your training has been neglected. I can show you the Way of the Force, the Way of the Dark Side. You need a teacher!” Ben continued to rush at the man, until finally the Sith flung him so hard against the wall that when he slid to the floor he remained there, stunned.

Snoke made his way slowly to the boy, kneeling down until he was at eye level.  “They didn’t trust you, young one, to know who you really are. But I do. I trust you….Kylo Ren.” At that he had left, leaving Ben Solo gasping and bleeding on the floor

The Supreme Leader kept to his word. He oversaw Ben’s training personally, and over the two years that followed Ben Solo slowly disappeared as the far more deadly Kylo Ren took his place. Ren didn’t know that he ever chose to truly become this new creature; instead it was like one day he realized there was none of who he had been left. He was simply gone. It was easier, actually. Kylo Ren has no family or friends to miss. Kylo Ren had no conscience. Kylo Ren simply had burning hatred for the Jedi and the pathetic New Republic.

When the dark, rainy night finally came to attack the training academy, he expected it to be his triumph. Around him were his seven Knights of Ren, the specialized warriors whose selection and training he had overseen personally under the guidance of the Supreme Leader. As they hacked and killed their way through the Academy, he didn’t feel the satisfaction he thought he would feel.  Instead, it felt like he was watching it all from a distance. _Some part of me is dying_ , he realized, numb. _I’m watching myself die._

He was standing on the training fields that ringed the academy, the bodies of fallen Jedi students all around, when he heard a thin scream that sounded different from the others. His attention caught, he looked over to where one of his warriors was looming over a small girl, his hatchet high in the air, about to descend.

He had drawn his saber and thrust it through the warriors back before he even thought about it. Blood gurgled from the man's mouth, and as his body dropped to the muddy ground he dropped the hatchet, narrowly missing the girl who stood there soaking in the rain.

Ren knelt down to her. He touched the buttons that released his helmet and when she saw his face, she throw her arms around his neck and buried her face in his neck. Her muffled voice, sobbing, came to him. “Ben,” Kira hiccuped, “Are you here to save us?”

He could smell the clean laundry scent on her tunic. Nothing smelled like that in the entirety of the First Order. It was the smell of goodness, and laughter, honesty and simple things. He thought if he could know that just one thing like that in the whole world existed he could stand the rest of it.

“Yes,” he said. “I’m here to save you.”

He picked Jakku because it was a nothing planet, a junkyard. No one powerful would ever have a reason to go there, so there would be no reason for her to be discovered. It was the kind of place where not much happened. He force-compelled several people to keep an eye out for her, not to be her family exactly but to keep her from the worst of harm. To keep her from starving or being sold into slavery. He mind wiped her. He told her that her name was now Rey, handed her to Unkar Platt, and took off in his ship, hurrying back to the First Order.  He told Snoke and the Knights of Ren that he had been pursuing Luke Skywalker, who they had been unale to capture on Polis Massa.

And then he locked this secret in his mind deeper than anything before. He locked it so deep that Snoke could never get to it. Only when he felt very strong, very safe from Snoke would he let himself remember her smile, the smell of clean laundry. How she had clung to him as if he weren’t evil.

It was the choice he had made to save her, he knew, that kept him from becoming a Sith. As he kept the secret over the years, the chance for transformation only became more remote. When he found himself lying about her to Snoke while she was on the Stardestroyer, he knew it was hopeless. He would never become a Sith. Snoke’s fury at his inability to complete his training after the death of Han Solo had led him to seek her out, intent on finally destroying her. One last desperate attempt to please his master.

He hadn’t counted on being asked to stay. He hadn’t expected to start noticing things about her, like the tiny scar under her right eye, or the way she was always freezing and bundled up in an absurd amount of shawls and wraps until only the tip of her nose peeked out. He wondered if she knew that when she was daydreaming she tended to rub the pad of her pointer finger against the bridge of her nose, very slowly.  He had still never seen her with her hair in any other style than those three buns at the back of her head, and he found himself wondering how long her hair was. Whether it might feel silky under his fingers. Sometimes he was so afraid he might reach out to see that he shoved his hands in his pockets to stop himself.

  
He knew she needed to be sent away, before Snoke found out where he was and came to destroy them all. Before Snoke found out who she _really_  was.  While there was still time.


	8. The Pool

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo Ren and Rey explore the small island and find something unexpected.

About two weeks after luke Skywalker had left them to go visit his sister on D’Qar, a weather system moved in over the small island that drenched it in torrential rain for five straight days. Rey was unused to dealing with rain, and the novelty of seeing water fall from the sky wore off quickly. The rain was cold and biting, and for several days they were barely able to leave the small stone buildings on the island.

On the six day when a blue sky finally appeared, Rey made her case. “I've got to get out of here,” she pleaded. “Please. Can't you teach me some stuff about using the Force to survive in the woods or something? Anything. Let's go exploring. “

He had tried to resist, but he too was tired of being cooped up in the small beehive cells. Tired of looking at the same walls to avoid looking at her, tired of his own moodiness and brooding thoughts. So they packed some food, other supplies, and set out to explore the small island. 

He had let her get quite a bit ahead of him in the woods when he heard her yell for him to hurry. Speeding up, he found her crouching at the edge of a small grotto. It was a small hot spring.  There were two levels of water, a shallow upper pool and a deeper lower pool that was created out of a bowl made of several ancient rocks. The water steamed in the air as it trickled from one pool to the other. Towering evergreen trees grew over the spot, and the ground around the pool was soft, green and mossy.

“What is it?” She breathed, her eyes wide.

 _Even as someone who has done so much, she’s seen so little,_ he remembered. All her bravery in fighting him, piloting space ships, and aiding the Resistance didn’t change the fact that she was still a young woman who had, until very recently, known only one world.

“It's a hot spring,” he explained. “Mineral waters, likely heated by the same underground volcano that made this island. I’m not surprised there is one here on the island; likely the Jedi monks who built this temple came here and soaked after hard practice sessions. It probably has a lot to do with why they chose the place.”

 Her eyes got even wider. “You can...bathe in this?” She was incredulous. She stuck half her hand in the water and felt the warm, silky water that was the trademark of mineral springs. 

“Well that settles it.” She began to kick off her shoes and remove her many layers of cloaks, shawls and hoods. 

“What are you doing?”

She gestured at the pool. “If I have a chance of being warm, really warm for the first time since I left Jakku, there’s not a chance I'm turning that down.” He watched her as she took off the last layer before her form-fitting tunic and leggings.

She paused and  gave him a pointed look. “Turn around?”

“Right.”  He flushed red but turned around as she finished stripping and heard a splash as she made her way into the spring.

“Go ahead,” he heard her call. “Get in, I'm not looking. “

 _Oh,_ he thought miserably. His stomach sank as he removed his boots and stripped off his clothing, dropping it beside hers on the soft moss. _This is a bad idea,_ he thought, even as he made his way into the hot spring, unable to resist her invitation.

As she heard the splash of his entrance she turned around and smiled at him. She had taken down her hair and it floated around her as she sank down until the water was right below her eyes. Her eyes looked green in this light, and they closed as a look of ecstasy passed over her face.

 “This...is amazing.” she said, sighing deeply and completely, the stresses of the training draining out of her as she soaked in the warm water.

He pushed himself to the far side of the pool, almost dizzy with how desperately he wanted to reach his arms under the water and draw her against him. How badly he wanted to feel her firm body against his hard one. He wondered what her willing mouth would feel like, opening against his eager one. Across the pool she leaned out for a moment to pluck at a small plant growing there. He saw her entire back exposed, her wet hair dripping down it (the mystery solved at last-it hit her right below the delicate blades of her shoulders), and the sight of her long lean muscles meeting the slight swell of her hips caused an involuntary moan that he hid in a sudden fit of coughing.

 He was shaking with the effort of his restraint. He lifted his wet hands and rubbed his face roughly, feeling the stubble there on his chin. He pressed his fingers deep against his eyes, pushing a little too hard, and when the dull ache began he used that pain to bring control to his body.

“What are you doing?” He dropped his hands and she was several inches away, peering at him suspiciously.

“I’m not doing anything,” he snapped at her.

She narrowed her eyes, disbelieving him. He had become even more of an enigma to her over the past few weeks as he had begun to change. When he was all darkness, all Kylo Ren, things were simple. She knew how to feel about him; hate and fear were reasonable reactions. She might, in her softer moments, feel sorry for him, but that was as far as it went. But as they had settled into their life on the island together things had shifted. The forced intimacies of spending hours together training, of sharing a space, and with increasingly regularity their meals had given way to something approaching real intimacy. The shadow of Kylo Ren had begun to recede. What was left in its place was something far more confusing for her to encounter; a person haunted by their past, unable to imagine the future.

Rey had never felt like that. She had always been focused on one simple thing; remaining on Jakku so that she would be there when her family returned. She didn’t ask difficult questions about why she didn’t remember her family, or why they had left her there. She just believed, with a burning certainty, that if she stayed in one place they would find her. When the little droid had come into her life, she had known it was the right thing to do to help deliver him to the Resistance. There had never been a question of whether it was too hard, or too dangerous. She just acted. And when General Organa had offered her the Millennium Falcon, and told her to go find Luke Skywalker, she had never doubted that seeking training as a Jedi was the right thing to do.

But this man in front of her? He confused her. Her own reactions to him left her feeling confused, disoriented, and -- _ashamed_.

A few nights before she had a vivid, unsettling dream. She had awoke in the middle of the night. The small compound of stone cells was silent. She had left her pile of warm blankets and crept out into the night. She had been cold, and remembering it now could bring gooseflesh to her skin but in the dream she had determinedly crossed the small courtyard to where Kylo Ren slept. The room was in shadow, and she could hear the steady breaths of a man deep in sleep. Standing above his bed she’d removed the rough tunic she slept in and, naked, slipped in between the blankets to fit her small body against the curve of his large one.  

In the dream he had woken instantly--all of him. Her skin was freezing from her journey across the yard, and he had dipped his hands in and out of the curves of her body to warm her. He drew the blanket up around her shoulder to ward off any chill. Her smaller hands rested on his chest, surprised - and pleased - at the curls of hair there.  He drew his thumbnail along her jaw, bending to touch his lips behind her ear in an act that sent fire through her body.  As she shivered with eagerness, he traced a line of kisses down her neck. He hadn’t shaved in a few days, and the rough stubble on his face excited her as it scratched her skin. He raised his head then and before she woke he had gazed at her with the dark look of a man torn between protecting something beautiful and his desire to devour it, possess it, perhaps even at the risk of destroying it.

She saw that look in his eyes now.

The dream had sobered her for a few days, caused her to pull back from their increasing intimacy. She had tried to concentrate on the training regimen and been careful not to smile at him, tease him or encourage him in anyway to feel friendly with her.  But as she recognized that look now she felt flooded with desire and recklessness.

Here she hesitated. She didn’t know the first thing about seducing a man-even that phrase made her want to hide her head in embarrassment. She was a virgin, beyond a virgin. Virginal in every way. She didn’t know how to flirt, or hint, or anything like that. If she wanted him, how would she ever tell him?

She wondered…

When he felt her mind reaching out for his and his eyes flew to hers in shock.

 “What are you doing?” he barked. They had seemed to have an unspoken agreement that they wouldn't do this. It was too terrifying and intimate, the potential for disaster too huge. He was about to respond forcefully to push her out when he noticed what she was doing.

The scent of honey filled the air. He could almost taste it, filling his mouth as she gazed at him from across the pool. He felt her want for him surging towards him, and he made a choking noise as it hit him. He hadn’t dreamed to think....but it was wrong, all wrong. It was too dangerous. He couldn’t let this happen.

“Rey…” he whispered weakly. He dug his fingernails into the palms of his hands, trying to use the pain to push away the desire he felt for her.  But it was hopeless--his desire was flooding through the connection she had forged, and as she felt it she floated towards him.

He made no move to touch her, terrified that if he did he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from taking her all at once. As she moved closer to him she took his face in between her hands, anxiously searching his eyes for guidance

“Please,” she murmured, her face flushing. “Please...I don’t know how to do this.” 

At her plea he lost his battle to control himself. Reaching his hands under the water, he lifted her so she could wrap her legs around his waist. As she crossed her ankles behind his back, he turned so that she was backed up against one of the enormous smooth rocks that edged the pool.  He reached his hands into her wet hair, exposing her neck, roughly kissing her there and feeling a thrill of triumph and surge of hunger as she moaned softly in response.  Her mouth was on his ear, and he could feel her hot breath there quickening as his hands dropped to caress the side swell of her breasts.

He kissed her then, feeling her sweet mouth part beneath his eagerly.  A groan escaped his lips as her legs tightened around him, drawing him closer. He wanted her, badly. He wanted to take her here, against this rock, and he could feel she wanted it too--that she would let him have her. He hungered to know all of her, to push into her and find out what other sounds he could elicit.  He wanted to find out if he could make her sob with delight, to make her so exhausted with pleasure that she begged him to stop. But he shook his wet curls against her, still unsure, still not understanding why she was opening her body to him like this.

 _Why do you want me?_ The thought was out and directed at her before he could retrieve it.

She drew back then and examined his face, finding a guarded vulnerability there. She felt into the flow between them, and sensed the self-loathing that was never far from him. She traced his heavy brow with a shaking finger, gentle where the scar she had given him still bisected his forehead.

She looked at him with eyes that were full of confusion, even pleading, as if she were hopeful he had the answer she didn’t.  She didn’t know why she wanted him, but it was undeniable. All she knew was that she recognized an energy in him, and it drew her to him so completely that everything in her cried out to be close to him, even at the risk of being devoured. It frightened her. But the call could not be refused.

He held her closer as she trembled. “Don’t be afraid,” he whispered against her ear. “I feel it too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> =D
> 
> Hope you guys like this one.
> 
> Thanks for the comments and kudos! This is the first fanfic I've ever written, and writing doesn't come easily to me, so knowing people are enjoying it makes it really worthwhile. 
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> Also come say hi on Tumblr, huh?  
> https://www.tumblr.com/blog/reylovution


	9. The Transmission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Rey hears from her friends back in D'Qar, she finds herself questioning all her newfound feelings for Kylo Ren.

After that, nothing was ever the same.

The rains returned to the island, but this time Rey didn't care. She didn't care about anything anymore, only the long planes of his body moving against hers as they made love.

 _We've been starving_ , she realized. There had never been a time when touch had been part of her life. There had not been anyone to caress her on Jakku, to nip her ear or kiss her fingers, one by one with care. She had not known, had not even thought to imagine, how delicious it might feel to have nails run gently down her back, or have her hair pulled just so. She hadn't known that once these things began to happen to her that everything else would recede; that all she would want to do would be to touch and be touched.

He obliged her. He was less clumsy than her, at first, having known some caring touch in his childhood at least. But he too had been starving, devoid of contact except that which caused pain since the First Order took him. Sometimes his hunger felt so consuming that he was afraid he would break her, but her body rose again and again beneath him and only begged for more. She refused to be sated. She demanded to know more and more of him, waking him from sleep with kisses on his eyelids, the soft skin behind his knee, the arch of his feet. Sometimes he would rise from sleep with a strangled cry to find her kneeling over him, bringing him to finish before he was even fully awake.

Her intensity frightened him. When she looked at him, he felt exposed in a way that left him unsettled. She looked at him as if she saw all of him, but yet she didn't retreat or pull away. Ren didn't understand this, how it could be possible for her to really know him and not be repulsed. How could she see him and still want him? He wondered this things as he moved inside her morning and night, relishing the way she grabbed at him, held onto him as for dear life.

The rain was falling gently one morning when Rey woke before him. It had been several days since their first time at the hot spring, and they were both exhausted from several days of making love, stopping only to eat, bathe, and sleep. In the quiet dawn hours she snuck out from beneath the covers and, quietly slipping into his warm black cloak and stuffing her feet into her warm boots, hurried out the door. She made her way through the compound, tiptoeing to avoid the pools of water and muddy rivulets. She opened the door to Luke Skywalker's small, cold study, location of one of the few pieces of modern technology on the island, a subspace transceiver.

Chewie had brought it with him when he delivered the news of General Organa's illness. Luke had insisted Rey install it and she had been dutifully checking it every several days, sending messages that all was okay on the island. When she checked the small machine today, the machines light was blinking as usual, but when she heard the voice on the recording a smile broke out over her face. It was Finn, his voice sounding weaker than she remembered but undeniably him.

He told her about his ongoing recovery, complaining good naturedly about the food in the cafeteria on base . He said that he had been spending a lot of time with Poe Dameron, and Rey thought she heard there something unspoken but promising. He sounded good, and Rey felt herself missing him and their easy camaraderie, but near the end of the message his voice grew serious.

"I'm worried about you, Rey. I don't understand why you aren't here with Skywalker. Why would he have you stay alone there waiting for him when you could be here with the people that care about it? It doesn't sit right with me. So….call me back. I want to hear your voice, and know you're okay. Alright?" At that he hung up.

Rey listened to the message several times, aware of a growing unease in her stomach. Finally, she punched in the sequence that would dial her through the Resistance base on D'Qar.

 _What am I going to tell him?_ She thought as it connected. _He'll never understand. He'll think I'm crazy. He'll think I'm in danger._ Her head swam as she shifted to see it from his perspective. _Oh god, it really doesn't look good._

"Rey for Skywalker" she stammered when the officer answered the transmission on the other end, deciding at the last second she wasn't prepared to speak to Finn right now.

Luke's voice was scratchy through the connection but his concern came through. "Rey? Is everything okay?"

She felt assured just hearing his voice. "Everything's fine," she said. "I just wanted to hear you, live, not just on a message."

"I'm glad," came the reply. "I didn't expect to be gone so long, but Leia is getting better and it looks like I might be returning soon." She had been kept abreast of Leia's progress in recovering from the exotic virus she had contracted during her brief time on Takodana. It has resisted even Luke's Jedi healing powers, but a strict regimen of conventional medicine and sessions with Luke had been slowly returning the general to health.

"I'm so relieved to hear that. Tell her I asked about her, would you?"

"Of course. And your friend Finn, I see him quite a bit now that he has been released from the medical center. He's been a big asset to the Resistance with his knowledge of First Order training methods and weaponry. He asks me about you every time I see him."

"I bet," Rey said, "He's a good friend." She felt her voice grow thin.

There was a long pause on the other end of the line. "Are you okay, Rey? Is everything alright?" She wasn't prepared for the tone of fatherly concern in his voice, and tears sprung to her eyes as she struggled to keep her voice steady and light.

"Yes, everything's grand. We've been training hard and the weather's been terrible but other than that, everything's fine." She forced cheer into her voice as she swiped at the tears that threatened to spill from her eyes.

Another pause. "Okay Rey," Skywalker responded, sounding unconvinced. "Just remember, if anything happens….if you need anything, you can take my ship and come to us." When Chewie had come in the Millennium Falcon, Luke had gone back with him, leaving behind a battered B-Wing E2 starfighter hidden in a shallow cave on the island.

"Right. Okay, we'll see you soon. Love to everyone." She hastily cut the connection and turned the radio off. In the sudden silence she could hear the wind howling outside as the rain continued to pour down. Oh, what am I doing? She thought. The past several days suddenly felt like a dream, and in her sudden clarity she wondered if she had gone mad. _He's the enemy,_ she reminded herself. _He's done terrible things, to people I love. People who won't ever forgive him for that_. She thought of Finn, and of Poe, who had become a friend on D'Qar as they comforted each other over Finn's beside. She might see another side of Ren, but why should they? Skywalker was wise to have not told them she was alone with Kylo Ren on the island; they would have come for her immediately, intent on rescuing her.

 _Maybe that's right,_ she thought. _Maybe I do need rescuing. What is this insanity I've fallen into?_

She was turning the radio back on and punching the sequence in to call D'Qar, this time to ask for Finn, when she felt him stir across the compound. He woke hungry, and when he reached for her and found only space where her warm body was usually nudged against his, he searched for her using their strange Force connection.

 _Rey?_ She sensed his languid desire in the question and it aroused her. How much he wanted her, how limitless his appetite was for her made her feel powerful, and she had been surprised to learn that when she felt powerful she wanted him even more. Even in the cold of Luke's study, her mind a million miles away, just feeling the touch of his mind on hers was enough to make her grow wet.

Almost before she knew it, she was making her way across the compound to him. He was waiting for her when she entered the room, her hair dripping with rain. She dropped his cloak to the floor and climbed into his bed (our bed, the thought rose unbidden, and it thrilled her). He was ready for her, and as she climbed atop his body and drew him inside her soundlessly she held his gaze with an inscrutable expression. She rode him slowly at first, her hand gently at his throat, but with a growing intensity that startled him.

"Do you know what you've done?" She asked, moving above him. "Do you know that nothing can ever be the same for me now?" He groaned beneath her and murmured her name, tortured by her words but enslaved by the rhythm of her hips.

"You may cost me everything...everyone….." she gasped as she drew close to her release. "And I will give it all up for you...but you will deny me nothing...Do you hear me? You will give me all of you." He stared up at her, frightened by this side of her but aroused too, excited by her desire to possess him fully. She tightened her grip on his throat as his own climax drew near. "Tell me," she insisted, unwilling to let either of them have their pleasure until he submitted to her. "Tell me you're mine."

He shuddered beneath her, desperate, "Yes," he agreed hoarsely, "Yes, I'm yours. You know you can take whatever you want." As he said it he felt her come, and he joined her in the quivering release.

In the stillness that came afterwards, he told her he loved her, and held her as she sobbed bitterly for all this would cost her.


	10. The Visit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unexpected visitors at the ruins of the Jedi Temple throw Rey and Kylo Ren's future into uncertainty.

 When Rey woke the next morning, she noticed something was missing. The sound of rain was gone, and when she rose halfway on her elbow to look out the small window of the room she shared with Kylo Ren she could see that the sky outside was clear.  

She left him sleeping there and went alone to bathe. When she returned, she was neatly dressed in her training gear and her hair had been returned to the three buns that were her trademark.

“”Get up,” she said simply. “It's time we got back to work. “

They parried with lightsabers that day. Rey was focused, asking questions about technique and style. Kylo Ren had been classically trained in the use of the lightsaber since a young age, and watching him use the weapon was like watching someone perform ballet. He was fluid and natural in his movements, as if it was his first language, which in a way, Rey supposed **,** it was.

They broke for a meal at midday, sweating and exhausted but pleased too, to be back at work again. Their days spent in bed had been full of intoxicating pleasures, but they were each people that were accustomed to spending most of their time alone. It felt good to take a step back, get some breathing room, and remember again what it felt like to move independently.

Ren was preparing their simple meal while Rey was polishing the metal shaft of her lightsaber when she asked, seemingly out of nowhere, “In the woods, on Starkiller base, when you told Finn that this light saber belonged to you, what did you mean by that?”

He paused in his movements, going quite still. _As much as I think she knows me, there’s twice that she couldn't begin to imagine,_ he thought. _And no way of knowing which one will be too much to bear._  He thought quickly of what he could say to deflect her. _It belonged to me by right of being Luke's nephew. It belonged to me more than some nameless traitor stormtrooper. It belonged to me because I wield the Force._

But as he saw her face, open and trusting as she focused on cleaning the saber, he recalled his promise from the night before.  “You will deny me nothing,” she had demanded.  And he had agreed.

So he told the truth.  As much as he dared.

“That light saber belonged to my grandfather,” he said. “He was a Jedi.”

Her face lit up, and she looked at the saber with a newfound reverence. “Wow,” she breathed. She looked at him, considering, and then extended the hilt of the weapon to him.  

“It does belong to you, then. You should have it.“

He couldn’t help but see it, the gleam of hope in her eyes as she looked at him, offering him the weapon. It was too familiar, too much like the look in his father’s eyes when Ren had held his own lightsaber out to him. _It’s too late,_ he had told his father, and it was. He felt a flicker of resentment curl in his belly at the way she was looking at him.

His voice grew cold. “Why should I have it? That is the weapon for a Jedi, and I will never be a Jedi. That door is closed to me, forever. “

She furrowed her brow at him, uncertain of the shift in his mood.  “No door has been closed to you. All anyone has done is keep opening doors back to you, doors you seem intent on slamming shut.”

 He said nothing in reply, only continued preparing the food for their meal.

 She tried again. “Nothing about this is easy, but that doesn’t mean you have to make it harder by-”

“By what?” he exploded at her, his dark eyes flashing. “By telling you the truth? What do you think is going to happen, Rey? Is your plan to love me back to being good again?”  He fell silent as she flushed and averted her eyes.

This time, his voice cut her like a knife. “You’re a fool if you ever thought that was going to work.”

 She opened her mouth to reply, but they both fell silent as the sounds of a ship enter the atmosphere over the island reached them.  Rey knew it instantly.  

“It’s the Millennium Falcon.  Luke is back.” 

But it wasn’t him.  

It was Finn.

* * *

 

It had taken awhile for Finn to be well enough to be woken from the medically induced coma on D’Qar, but as soon as he regained consciousness he had asked for Rey. It had taken him awhile to understand that she wasn’t there. Poe had to explain several times that she was gone, on an important mission at the request of General Organa. Eventually Finn understood.  He knew Rey had a bigger part to play than just being his friend. 

But when Luke Skywalker showed up at D’Qar for a lengthy stay without her, he became suspicious.  None of the explanations that were offered made sense to him. _It’s part of her training_ , Luke told him. But hasn't she already spent enough time in her life isolated and alone without people who cared about her?  He wasn’t buying it. Besides, he felt lost without her.

That’s why he had convinced Poe to steal the Millennium Falcon.

“We aren’t really stealing it,” he explained. “General Organa sort of gave it to Rey anyway.  We’re just using it to go find her. Make sure she’s okay.”

Poe was resistant to the idea at first, but Finn knew he was dying to get into the cockpit of that famous ship. “Okay,” he finally agreed, “But just there and back, to make sure she is okay. If we do this quick, no one should notice we’ve even taken her.”

They had absconded with the ship in the quiet hours after midnight, when some of Poe’s close friends who he could trust to keep quiet were in charge of traffic at the base. It was strange to be back on the ship without her, and Finn felt a pang as he watched Poe sit in the pilot’s chair, the place that had been Han Solo’s. 

The trip through hyperspace took a few hours, and as they drew close to the island Finn looked eagerly out of the windows at the scenery below. “Do you see anything?” he asked Poe, scanning the rocky green landscape.  Poe shook his head, focused on the task of landing a craft meant to be piloted by two.

* * *

As Rey watched the ramp extend, her emotions were battling with each other. Kylo Ren had known instantly it was not Luke Skywalker in the circling ship, and they had figured out at the same time that it was the ex-Stormtrooper and the Resistance pilot about to land on the island.

When Finn came down the ramp, she saw his face light up at the sight of her standing there. _Will he still look at me the same when he knows the truth_ , she wondered. _Or will he wish he had never known me?_ He ran to her and embraced her tightly, and she blinked back tears.

He pulled away from her then and began to chatter excitedly, and as Poe joined he folded her in his own embrace. Finn continued to ask question after question without pausing to allow her to answer.  Rey smiled at him. _I’ll just enjoy this_ , she decided. _What might be the last few minutes he wants to call me his friend._

“But Rey,” he finally finished, “I just _don’t_ understand. Why have you been staying alone here while Luke has been on D’Qar?”

She looked at him in the sudden silence, his face expectant. She took a deep breath, and opened her mouth to reply.

“She hasn’t been alone. She’s been with me.”

 _Oh, damn,_ she thought miserably, cursing Kylo Ren. Finn and Poe’s eyes had gone very wide, and Rey looked behind her to where the tall, black-clad figure was sauntering towards them. He moved with the grace of a hunter, and there was something menacing in his eyes.

 _I thought we decided you were going to wait for us at the top, after I told them,_ she thought at him.

 _New plan_ , he thought back.

Turning back to her friends, she was dismayed to see that Ren had put them in Force holds. “What are you doing?” she cried. “Let them go!”

“That one,” Ren spat, his eyes flashing at Poe, “was going for his blaster pistol. And the other one was about to grab you. You’re too trusting, Rey.”

She could feel the fury rolling off him as he circled around the frozen pair, like a predator trapping his prey. _He’s reckless,_ she realized, _especially when he feels threatened_. She took the blaster pistol from Poe’s holster and took it to him, pressing it into his hands. His eyes gleamed down at her, full of emotions she couldn’t identify.

 _You’ve taught me well. I’m very strong. I’ll kill anyone who tries to take me away from you._ As she thought this at him she stared directly into his eyes, and his expression softened. _Now I need you to trust me, and let me handle this_. He gazed at her, uncertain at first, but then nodded, taking the blaster pistol and disappearing up the steps.

The Force hold paralyzing Finn and Poe dropped, and they sagged with relief, staring at her in disbelief.

Finally Finn spoke. “Rey...what is this?” His voice was full of dread, because he already knew what she was going to tell him, and he didn’t want to hear the words coming from his friend’s mouth.

She knew this, and kept it simple. “I love him.”

They both stared at her in horror. Finn began to cry then, rough angry sobs that shook his body.  Poe trembled quietly with rage as he held onto his friend and lover, the man who had held him when he had shouted himself awake from nightmares featuring Kylo Ren and a dark interrogation room.

She spoke quietly as she detailed the series of events that had led to his being there as. She tried to explain the strange connection they had, the energy that she had recognized in him since the first time she saw his face. She attempted to describe how Kylo Ren had changed, slowly, as he had spent more time on the island, away from the First Order.

“Or maybe I was just able to see him, to see another side of him that was always there, just afraid to be seen,” she finished, and paused.  She bit her lip, trying to decide if she should say more. “I think...I think terrible things have happened to him. Yes, I know he’s done terrible things. Horrible, evil things, and it makes me sick to think about it.” She shook her head now, her eyes filling with tears. “But I don’t think that’s who he really is. I can’t believe that. It’s Snoke’s influence, Snoke’s hold on him.  The longer he’s away...the more he remembers who he really is.” She looked at them, the unshed tears shining in her eyes.  Her face was pleading.

“Will you help me?” she said, reaching out her hand to Finn. “Will you help us?”

* * *

 

She found him at the top of the island, staring into the fire with a cloudy expression on his face.

 “They’re readying the ship to leave,” she told him.

“Good,” he said roughly.. “They should never have come here.” His eyes were distant, his face a mask. _So quick to withdraw,_ she thought, her heart aching as she felt the roil of his emotions through their connection. She went to him and put her arms around his waist, leaning her head against his firm chest. She took a deep breath, and closed her eyes as she readied herself to tell him what she had decided.

“I want to go with them,” she said.

Kylo Ren heard this and stiffened in her arms. Part of him wasn’t surprised, not really. Part of him hadn’t trusted it, hadn’t believed it could be real, that she could love him and choose him over things that were solid and real and good. It was funny, really, that he could have been so foolish, so weak..

“Of course,” he said with a voice of ice, feeling removed somehow, like he was watching himself from a distance. _I’m dying,_ he thought. _I’m watching a part of myself die_. “You should go. You should go with them.”

She turned head up to look at him, her eyes bewildered at his words, and she saw his confusion. “No. That’s not what I want.” She pulled his head down to hers until their foreheads were touching. “I want to take you home...Ben Solo.”

 His heart cracked open then, in a way he didn’t know was possible anymore. God _damn_ , it hurt, the way others insisted on having hope for him. He tried not to be touched by it, but when she looked at him this way he was helpless. He had written himself off as hopeless long ago, allowed his heart to become iced over, and this _thawing_ \- it was excruciating. He was sure he wouldn’t be able to bear it.

“Rey,” he pleaded. His voice was strangled, and she could feel the struggle in him. The push and pull of self-hatred and fear warring against what she had awakened. It was nascent, yes, but it had a strength of its own.  She could almost see it, a small flame there at his center desperately trying to spread as he fought against it, in agony as it made him aware of pains he had long ago ago grown numb to.  He gripped her like a drowning man.  “I can’t,” he moaned.  “I can’t...It’s too late.”

She shook her head against him, her hands tangling in his dark curls as she held onto him tightly. “It can’t be too late. I won’t let it be. Come with me. Ben...” She said his name, his true name, relishing the sound of it coming out of her mouth, feeling herself grow more certain with each moment that this was right for them. “We can’t hide here forever.” He tightened his grip in stubborn denial, and she pulled back and searched his eyes. “I can’t hide here forever. It’s not the kind of person I am. Not while my friends are risking their lives fighting.”

“Fighting the First Order! Which, if you’ve forgotten, is the side I’m sworn to, Rey.” He pulled away from her and turned away, moving to the edge of the cliff in the same spot she had found Luke Skywalker standing just a few months ago. She followed him, slipping her arms around his waist and hugging him to her as she pressed her cheek against his back. “That isn’t who you are anymore.” _Believe it,_ she thought fiercely, her heart threatening to break, not knowing what she would do if he refused her.

He made a sound then, halfway between a laugh and a sob. “I don’t know who I am, anymore.”

* * *

 

Rey took on the co-piloting duties as they left the small island, happy to mechanically respond to Poe’s directions without having to think. The dark haired pilot was deeply troubled by what had happened on the island, she could tell, and after they made the jump into hyperspace she left him alone in the cockpit, lost in thought. 

Finn was sitting in the semi-circular lounge seats, unbuckling the acceleration straps that held passengers in during the jump to hyperspace. His face was guarded as Rey came in, and it hurt her to see. _How long until he doesn’t resent me for this_ , she wondered. _Will it ever be like it was?_ She shoved the thought aside as she took a seat next to him.

“Thank you,” she said simply. “You don’t know what this means to us.”

Finn’s gaze was level, his words direct. “I’m not doing this for him.”

She didn't respond, for what was there to say? Finn sighed, his concern for her evident in his body. “I don’t know how you think this is going to work. Bringing Kylo Ren into a Resistance base-How come you think they won’t take him prisoner, immediately?”

“Because only six people in the Resistance know Kylo Ren and Ben Solo are the same person. General Organa, Master Luke, you two, me, and Chewie,” she explained. “No one else knows what Kylo Ren looks like, or who he was before. We have to establish contact with General Organa and Luke somehow before we land, and let them know what is happening. That way they can be waiting for us when we arrive, and help us get him off board, and off base, to somewhere safe.”

He looked at her, not bothering to hide the disgust in his eyes. “I still can’t believe you’re protecting him. You can’t have forgotten that he killed his father, Rey. We were there. We saw the whole thing.”

She stood, and nodded. “I haven’t forgotten,” she said, in a voice tight with tears, before she walked away.

* * *

She found him in the crew quarters, prying open an access panel underneath one of the beds. 

“What are you doing?” she asked him suspiciously as he reached his arm deep into the nether regions of the ship. He ignored her and kept digging, finally unearthing a dusty X-Wing starfighter model jet that had been stashed there.  It was a child's toy, left in a child's hiding place and even though he had little reaction to it she could tell by the way he looked at it that it had been his once upon a time.

She watched him as he sat on one of the crew bunks examined it quietly. “I guess you spent a lot of time on here, as a child. Being here must bring back a lot of memories.” she said.  She felt stupid for not thinking about how, how this place might be a painful reminder for him of Han Solo. She felt sad, imagining him as a child on this ship, running around innocently, perhaps playing games with his father and mother. A child, hiding toys on a ship in mimicry of his father, the famous smuggler. Back when they were all happy, in the early days of the New Republic, before the threat of the First Order had grown.

He glanced at her and set the ship aside. “Not as much as you’d think. My father was...gone much of the time.” His words held much that was unspoken, and she took the warning in them to refrain from making assumptions about his past

She nodded and was turning to leave the room, to let him alone to his moodiness when suddenly she felt a blast of the Force go past her, causing the doors to the crew quarters to hiss shut. She whirled around in surprise, and he was right there, his hands firmly on her hips as he pushed her against the wall.

“I’d like to make some new memories,” he breathed, nuzzling her neck.

She closed her eyes, feeling her breath catch in her throat as he lightly bit the place where her shoulder met her neck. “I don’t know,” she said reluctantly, “They’re right outside…” Despite her protest she felt herself responding, her body eager to feel close to him after all the uncertainty and emotional turmoil of the day.

His hands slid inside her clothing, and she shivered.  “Oh, I think you know, Rey,” he murmured darkly into her ear. He had reached into her underwear and found her ready for him, and as he slipped his fingers inside her she muffled her moan against his shoulder.  “I think you know I am going to fuck you right here, right now.”

She pulled back slightly and looked at him, surprised. His eyes were very black, and she could see at once what the day had cost him. What taken from him, to give up control as he had and follow her. What it meant for him to be in this place, in this situation.

And, with a flutter of anticipation, she saw that she was going to pay for it.

He was ruthless in taking his pleasure, and in giving it, refusing to stop until she had cried out so loudly that she knew there was no way Finn and Poe hadn’t heard. _That was his intention,_ she thought, her cheeks flaming with humiliation even as her body betrayed her and begged for more. He meant to claim her, and to do it as publicly as possible, so that there was no denying that she belonged totally to him.

When at last he was sated he smiled at her, his top lip curling with satisfaction.

  
“Did you really think,” he asked, “that you could possess my soul without losing your own?”*

*

* * *

 

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* * *

 

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*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed! I really appreciate your thoughts and hope you will continue to review this and leave kudos if you enjoyed it, so that others can see this fic and enjoy it as well!
> 
> *I have to give total credit to Diana Gabaldon for the last line of the Fic. This line was 100% inspired by a line in her book "Outlander". The line is said by Jamie to Clare and it goes "I am your master and you're mine. It seems I canna possess your soul without losing my own." It just went too perfectly here, I HAD to use it with a little reversal. Read her books, they are fab!


	11. General Organa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> General Organa sees her son for the first time in 20 years.

General Leia Organa stood on the tarmac, watching as the _Millennium Falcon_ descended and sailed to a smooth landing. She found herself wondering how many times in her life she had watched that ship leave and arrive. She couldn’t deny that after all these years she had affection for the heap of junk; it had certainly gotten them out of some jams-and into a few.

Her eyes were steely as Poe Dameron and Finn came down the ramp. Poe was wise enough to have his tail between his legs as he saluted her, but the ex-stormtrooper was proud and defiant even in his apologizing. “I’m sorry, General Organa. I take full responsibility for the entire thing, but I had to make sure Rey was okay.  She’s my friend,” he said emphatically.

“I’ll deal with you two later,” she said, waving them off. Two insubordinate officers were the least of her problems right now.  They’d delivered one of the most wanted men in the galaxy to her; the man who’d killed her husband and been party to the destruction of the Hosnian star system was now in her hands. _Too bad he’s my son. Of course nothing can be simple,_ she thought, letting herself have a rare moment of self-pity.

She watched with interest as Rey came down the ramp, feeling a pang as she was reminded of the last time she saw Rey exiting the _Falcon_. Rey approached her, her face nervous and looking fearful of the general’s response. Leia dispensed with the formalities. She took Rey’s hands in hers and said, simply. “I knew he was there with you, of course.”

Rey took a deep breath, relief flooding into her eyes. “I thought it was possible that Master Luke would have told you, but, I wasn’t sure. I didn’t want you to feel as if I’d let you down, or been dishonest.”

Leia smiled kindly, seeing the worry on Rey’s face. _She barely knows me, yet my opinions weigh so heavily_ , the general thought. But of course the girl was an orphan; Leia knew something about that, having never known her real mother and losing her adoptive mother at a very young age. It was only natural that the girl should want to have the approval of the elders she had around her.

“Luke and I keep few secrets from each other,” she told Rey. “It is the way of twins.” She looked beyond her now, to the ramp of the _Falcon_ which was still empty. “And what of my son?”

Rey frowned, her eyes troubled. “Waiting for you on the ship, as directed.”

 

* * *

 

He heard the authoritative ring of his mother’s footfall as she came up the ramp, and how familiar the sound was made all the years fall away, for just one second.

But then she was standing there, in front of in him with gray hair and a lined face, and it almost took his breath away as it had when he had faced Han Solo. When he was away, in the belly of the First Order, he had not let himself think of his parents often, but when he did they had been frozen as they were when he had last seen them at age 11. They had been on a diplomatic mission to the Outer Rim, and had made time to stop en route at the Jedi training academy. Leia had not seen her brother in over a year, and Ben had not seen his parents since he left to join Luke at age 9.  It had been a rare happy night, having dinner in Luke’s quarters.  Ben remembered listening eagerly to his parents and Uncle as they laughed over stories of their days fighting the Empire.

But that had been over twenty years ago, and the woman in front of him now, though still attractive and fit, bore the mark of many years spent in hard service.  He had not imagined that she would come to have that tired slump in her shoulders, but he recognized she had changed in other ways too. As a woman whose dreams of a safe and democratic galaxy had taken much longer than she had ever imagined, she had grown patient.  Very patient.

“Did I ever tell you about what it was like to watch the Empire destroy Alderaan?” she said, seemingly out of nowhere. He swallowed thickly as he shifted uncomfortably in his seat near the holo board. She continued on, leaning against the metal bulkhead, as if they were any mother and son having a casual chat. “No, of course not; when you were with me, you were too young to speak with about things like that, and then when it would have been time, you were gone. But you know I was very young, only 19. Very young and brave, and very foolish, running around with the Rebellion, putting my diplomatic credentials at risk with secret missions. That’s how I ended up in the hands of the Empire, watching Alderaan be destroyed by the Death Star.”

Her eyes grew distant as she remembered it. “It was very strange, to be in space watching your home be destroyed. I was Force-sensitive, of course, but had no idea, so when I felt those millions of souls cry out in pain and then be snuffed out, I had no idea what was happening. Not only did I have to grieve the death of my homeworld...all my family, my friends, everything I had ever known...but i felt them die. I felt them all go.”

He made no response, only watched her face with a sick fascination as she spoke. She looked directly at him, then, waiting a moment before continuing. “When the First Order destroyed the Hosnian system, in the pain of that moment I thought of you. I wondered if Snoke would have told you that you would feel it, through the Force. And I wondered what it would be like for you, if it would be excruciating, like it was for me and for Luke, or if somehow for you it would…” Her voice grew thin here, unable to hide her feelings of disgust and fear. “If it would somehow make you feel powerful.”

He remembered that moment, standing masked on the bridge of the _Finalizer_ and watching the powerful red beams arc across space towards the several planets of the Hosnian system. As always, he had been aware of being watched; by Snoke, by the First Order officers all around him. And _no_ , Snoke hadn’t _warned_ him; he’d been unprepared for the disturbance in the Force, and for the way it had come rushing at him, all that pain and terror, the murder of billions of people. It _had_ made him feel powerful, because of course he had used it as he had always been taught to use the agony and fear of his enemies; to his benefit. Now, recalling it, he felt a little sick, but he couldn’t help but remember...that surge of immense power, and how it had felt.

She searched his face for a response, but he gave no quarter, staring back at her with a face like a mask, unreadable and ungiving. Finally, she sighed and turned go to. “You can’t stay here.  You’ll come home with me, to Corsucant. What's left of the Government is regrouping there. Luke will fly us,” she said, heading towards the ramp to the Falcon. “We’ll leave in a few hours. The whole Resistance is abandoning this base, anyway, and it will be weeks before we are set up somewhere new. The First Order knows we are here-we would have long ago if I hadn’t had this damned illness. If you want to be safe, I recommend you stay on the ship. You probably shouldn’t let Chewie see you.”

Ben shot up quickly, reaching out and grabbing her upper arm to stop her from leaving. “The girl--Rey--I’m not going anywhere without her.” His voice was calm, but as Leia looked in his eyes, she saw the edge behind his words, a dangerous gleam that unsettled her and made her feel cold. _Looks like you do care about something at least, Ben Solo,_ she thought, _but I wonder if that’s entirely a good thing._

She yanked her arm back, and glared back at him. “That’ll be up to her. If you’ve already worked it out, I’ve no problem with it,” Leia replied. “But don’t think you can boss me around, Ben. Your position here is very precarious.”  

As she exited the Falcon, she ran into Rey, who had been waiting anxiously at the bottom. The general stopped and gave the younger woman an evaluating look, before asking, “He get that scar from you?”

Rey fidgeted before she admitted it. “Yes, ma’m.”

  
General Organa nodded once and patted Rey on the shoulder before moving on. “Good girl.”


	12. Arrival on Coruscant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben Solo, Luke Skywalker, Rey and General Organa arrive in Coruscant.

Kylo Ren hated Coruscant. Ben Solo hated it as well. On this, at least, they were agreed.

 _What a vile planet,_ he thought as they descended over the glittering city-scape that filled the entire globe. Though he hadn’t returned to Coruscant in two decades, he remembered well disliking it as a child. Even then it had been impossible to miss the stunning inequality that existed here, with the rich living in splendor on the surface while the poor suffered miles below, breathing noxious air and never seeing the sky. When he was young he had sometimes accompanied his mother when she engaged in charity work on the lower levels of the planet, and what he had seen there had given him a long-lasting dislike for the city, its socialites and elite political class that lived up top.

Returning to the three story penthouse apartment that the Organa-Solo family had called home in this teeming city for the past few decades was...strange. His mother wasn’t an ostentatious woman, but she had been raised a Princess, and in those rare stretches that her work rebuilding democracy did not call for her to be residing in odd corners of the galaxy, she enjoyed a certain level of comfort. So the Organa-Solo residence near the old Senate District was large and filled with souvenirs from her exotic travels, and over the past three decades had served as a home-base not only for the general but occasionally her husband, depending on their level of marital harmony, and her brother, Luke Skywalker, before his long disappearance. As Leia returned now with her son, brother and Rey she couldn’t help reflect that this was the first time in many years that she wasn’t coming home alone. _And yet, as a widow,_ she reflected, trying the word on for the first time.

“Luke, you’ll be in the family quarters; hopefully you remember the way, though it’s been awhile.” Her brother nodded and exited in that direction. He’d been quiet since the news of Ray and Ben’s imminent arrival at the base had come. Though he’d helped her devise this course of action, she couldn’t help but feel he was still unsure about it, as if there were elements at play he didn’t fully understand yet.

 _What’s the use of having my brother back if he can’t force things to make sense?_ Leia let herself have the grumpy thought and then pushed it away, surprised at herself. Luke had saved her life, stepping in when the doctors told her there was nothing left for them to do for her but make her comfortable as she wasted away from an exotic disease contracted during her brief time on Takodana. _And it wasn’t the first time he’s saved my skin,_ she reminded herself.   _It was easy to pretend while he was gone that only if he came back we would have all the answers. But here he is, and all I see is questions._

 _Speaking of questions…_ Luke taken care of, she turned towards where her son and Rey stood. The tall, dark-haired man was reserved and  slightly sullen while Rey’s mouth was parted and her eyes wide open as she looked around the finely decorated home. She found herself wondering, not for the first time, what the nature of their relationship was.   _I ought to be protective of the girl, but something tells me this fierce creature can handle herself. And I don’t think my reunion with Ben would be helped any if I started playing concerned mother..._

“I’ve put you two in the guest wing. Peethree will show you the way. I’ll leave you to settle yourselves in.”

Rey’s gaze continued to widen as the silver 3PO protocol droid, named P-3PO, carrying what small luggage they had, led them down a long hallway, up a flight of stairs, across a veranda, and finally into a fully contained guest apartment.  The two-story unit had been used over the years by visiting heads of state and other diplomatic guests from across the galaxy as they spent time in Coruscant or visited with General Organa. Ben felt himself relax as they entered. This part of the house held little memory for him, so he felt less on-guard here. More able to be himself. _Whatever that means these days,_ he thought.

After Peethree deposited their luggage and left, Rey examined their new home. To her eyes, it was palatial. She explored the three bedrooms and several bathrooms, including one with a marble tub so deep she could imagine swimming in it. There was a small private balcony, and a great room with two story windows showcasing the gleaming Coruscant skyline.  Ben sat on the long sofa curling in front of the fireplace and watched her as she wandered around the place. She tentatively touched the silk drapes hanging from the impressive windows, and bent to caress the soft, luxurious rug that overlaid the marble floor.

Finally she sat next to him. “It’s very grand,” she said, lamely.

He studied her for a moment, sitting next to him, before pulling her into his lap.  “You don’t like it,” he stated matter of factly, beginning the process of taking her hair out of the buns she wore them in whenever she was going to be seen by anyone other than him.

She squirmed. “It’s not that I don’t like it. It’s just…” She sighed, looking embarrassed. “Forget it.”

He smoothed her hair out, fanning it across her shoulders in the way he liked. “Tell me.” he said.

She played with the fastenings of the soft tunic he was wearing.   “Well, it’s just...I could never fit in here. You’ve reminded me enough that I’m just a scavenger from Jakku. I guess I had never thought about...the way you grew up. What sort of people you must be accustomed to.”

“And what kind of people is that?” He asked, tucking her hair behind her ears and admiring how finely crafted they were, like little shells.

“Posh people...rich people...people with important name...politicians.  Not nobodies who made a living selling scrap to small game criminals like Unkar Plutt.”

He gave her a rare half smile then, and this time it had a hint of secrecy about it, like he knew something she didn't. “You’ve been so busy thinking about yourself that you’ve forgotten to notice that I don’t exactly fit in here myself.” His hand slid alongside her cheek to cradle her face and bring her downcast eyes to meet his. With his thumb, he traced the pouting shape of her lips until they parted and she drew the tip of his thumb into her wet mouth, gently biting him.

He pulled her closer so he could whisper in her ear. “You may be a filthy little scavenger, but you’re my filthy little scavenger.” He felt her cheeks grow warmer at that, and he hid his smile against her temple.

* * *

 

They hadn't noticed the slight figure in black as they disembarked from the  _ Falcon  _ . He was hidden in the shadows; or rather, the shadows seemed to cling to him, to twist themselves around his soft leather boots and lean form. He watched carefully as Leia, Luke Skywalker, Rey and Ben Solo entered the Organa-Solo residence. Even after they were gone he stood there for awhile, watching something only he could see.

After an hour he finally left the spot, and made his way to a speeder bike that had seen hard duty. He put his helmet on, but before turning the ignition he reached for a comlink that was dangling from the handlebars. 

“Alert the Knights I've located our Master,” he said, his voice inky smooth, with a note of satisfaction.

Smiling, the figure climbed on the bike and with a roar, disappeared.

 


	13. The Stranger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke and Ben clash over plans for Rey's training. And Rey finds she has doubts about Ben after seeing him talk with a mysterious stranger.

On one of the rooftop gardens of the old, once grand Jedi Temple in Coruscant, Luke Skywalker sat silently on a low wooden bench.

In appearance he was meditating, but beneath the surface his thoughts were churning.

_ Many unexpected things have happened since that girl first arrived on the island,  _ he thought,  _ but this perhaps, is the most unexpected of all _ .  And yet, there was a part of him that hadn’t been surprised. When he had seen Rey and Ben on the Millennium Falcon on the way to Coruscant, it had been immediately obvious to him  that a shift had occurred between the two, that they were bonded in a way that was energetically irrevocable.  _ Of course they’d be drawn together, I was a fool not to anticipate it. _

The shuffle of a footfall behind him distracted him from his thoughts, and as he turned to see his nephew making his way into the garden courtyard.  Ben Solo’s hair was a dark curtain across his forehead, long enough for the oft-sullen man to hide his eyes behind.  Today, he smirked as he surveyed the disrepair the garden was in. Weeds choked the beds which had once held fragrant flowers and edible herbs for the kitchens, and the pathways were crumbling, requiring Ben to step carefully in his worn leather boots. 

“I guess the Jedi order has seen better days, hasn’t it not Uncle?”

Luke quelled the anger that threatened to rise up in him at his nephew’s provocative words. It was indeed true that the once-grand Jedi Temple was a sorry sight to behold.  In the first days after the collapse of the Empire, he had moved to quickly restore some of the essential elements of this holy place, removing the worst violations that Emperor Palpatine had visited on it. His hopes for full reconstruction had been brief; as the First Order has risen, the need for a more secure, secret location for his Jedi training academy had become clear, and so he had reluctantly left the Jedi Temple behind. His intention had always been to return here and establish it as the headquarters of the Jedi Order, but in the devastation of his nephew’s betrayal all of that had been forgotten. Now, back on Coruscant, it made sense to return here to continue Ben and Rey’s training, but he couldn’t deny that seeing the building in such disrepair made his failures feel even more present. And Ben’s smirking attitude didn’t help.

“You’re late,” he said sharply to the younger man, rising from the bench.

At the scolding remark, Ben Solo slowly lifted one shoulder in a casual shrug. But his eyes flashed dangerously at Luke, and the Jedi Master sensed at once that his nephew was at his edge.  _ There’s something of the pacing tiger about him _ , Luke thought, reading the force signature emanating from the young man as much as simply noticing what was right in front of him. _ He feels trapped, cornered. Even though he came here of his own choice. _

Luke walked to the eastern edge of the courtyard, leaning against the balcony and turning to take in the impressive sight of the spires of the Jedi Temple soaring above. After a moment, Ben followed him, placing one hand on the balcony and gazing out at the city with a scornful look on his face.

“As I recall, you never liked Coruscant,” Luke said, examining Ben’s face. “I was surprised that your mother was able to entice you to come here.”

His nephew looked at him levelly, well aware of what Luke was trying to draw the conversation towards. “I like to think I am full of surprises, Uncle.”

_No, of course he wouldn’t make this easy_. Luke tried again. “Your mother tells me that you insisted Rey come. That you refused to come here without her, in fact."

Ben’s face was a mask of innocence, but his eyes were full of mocking humor as he returned his Uncle’s stare. “Of course. She’s my apprentice. I’d never abandon her training.” 

Luke narrowed his eyes, realizing that his nephew was taunting him, dangling his new connection with Rey in front of Luke like a trophy.  “She can’t be your apprentice, Ben. You do not have the right to take an apprentice."

A thin smile played on Ben’s face. “I may not be a Master of the Jedi, Uncle, but I’m a Master in other areas. I’ve many things to teach Rey. Some I learned from you. Some, from others.  And many I learned entirely on my own.” The tone of his voice was quiet, but his words hinted at a depth of knowledge that he fully intended to be menacing. 

“I believe you,” Luke said soberly, his face as open and guileless as his nephews was closed. “That’s why I’ve made the decision to take over Rey’s training. She’ll be learning only from me from now on,” Luke said, crossing his arms over his chest, sinking his hands deep into the wide arms of his robe.

Ben’s eyes narrowed in fury and surprise at these words, and he advanced a few steps towards his Uncle. His voice was an angry hiss. “I am sure if you care to ask for an exhibition, you will be more than pleased at her progress.”

Luke shook his head. “I do not doubt it.”

The younger man stared at him in silence for a moment, as if waiting for Luke to say more. “Then  _ why _ ?” he snarled, his heavy brow drawn together.

Luke  studied Ben’s face for a few moments before responding, deciding to be truthful. “Because you already have too much influence on her. And I don’t know yet whether I can trust you with that.”

Ben’s face went blank at those words, until after a few moments a cruel smile formed slowly on his lips. “If you wanted to curb my influence on Rey, Uncle, you might have done something about it months ago.” He laughed, a short harsh sound. “You do realize you’re far too late.”

Luke’s eyes were full of regret as he watched his nephew storm away. _I could have handled that better,_ he thought, _but Rey is too important to put at risk_. Still, he suspected this was far from settled.

 

* * *

 

Rey was nearly speechless with excitement as she made her way towards the imposing entrance of the Jedi Temple. Anxious, she glanced back where Leia still sat in her speeder, waving at the older woman as the General left the dock and directed the vehicle into the skylanes that wound all around Coruscant. 

She looked back towards the building and swallowed thickly, reaching down to her belt to feel the lightsaber clipped securely there. _Steady_ , she told herself. _You’ve been invited here by Luke Skywalker himself. Stop acting like a nobody from Jakku!_  At her own admonition, she straightened her back and lifted her chin, holding herself with a modicum of pride. 

 

She was about to head into the building when, out of the corner of her eye, she spotted a familiar figure crossing the plaza. Recognizing Ben’s forceful stride, she started to call out his name, but the words died in her throat when she saw him look over his shoulder and then duck down a dark alleyway. _That’s strange,_ she thought, her brows knitting together in confusion. She was due to meet him in just a few moments for their training session. _Where could he be headed?_ Uncertain, she hesitated at the door of the temple before dashing across the empty plaza to where he had disappeared into the shadows.

She had to blink her eyes several times before they adjusted to the dim light in the deserted passage.  Pressing her body along the cover provided by the walls, she crept closer towards where she could only just make out Ben speaking to a man she didn’t recognize.  The slim stranger was, like Ben, clad in all black, wearing a long was of slim build, and wearing a high-collared asymmetrical coat that reached down to his tall leather boots. He was leaned against a beat-up speeder bike. He had dark hair gathered in a low ponytail at the nape of his neck, and his eyebrows were straight and dark under a broad forehead. His mouth was set in a grim line under a straight nose. 

On Jakku, Rey had become an excellent judge of character. When you were on your own in the world, it was essential to learn how to read people, and to ascertain their intentions quickly. Smugglers, slavers, bounty hunters, arms dealers, deserters--all sorts of criminals had come through Niima outpost over the years, blind to the fact that Rey was hungrily observing each and every one of them, reading their movements, watching how their eyes and hands moved. Deciphering them

She knew immediately this stranger was dangerous, and from the way his eyes carefully darted around, checking the corners, she could tell he didn’t belong here on Coruscant. 

She didn’t dare draw closer, knowing she would be likely to give herself away if she did. She retreated back down the shadowy alleyway silently.  As she crossed the plaza and approached the Jedi Temple a second time, she caught sight of her face in the great beaten metal doors. Her mouth was twisted with anxiety, and her eyes beset with worry.

Guilt flared in her heart. _I look like a woman who doesn’t trust her lover_ , she thought, berating herself silently. She pressed herself against the stone wall of the building, feeling her heart still beating too hard. Pausing, she took a moment to bring stillness to her mind, until her face was arranged in a neutral expression.   _I’ll ask him about it later_ , she resolved. _As soon as I see him, I will ask him straight out. Of course there is a simple explanation._

* * *

 

But she never had a chance to ask for the easy explanation. 

When she saw Ben later, at home, he was sullen and resentful, still furious as he told her about what his Uncle had said to him earlier that day. “He doesn’t trust me,” Ben growled, his hands clenched into fists. “He doesn’t trust me  _ with you _ .”

She could see that behind the anger he was hurting, and that the powder-keg of self-loathing he carried around was in danger of igniting. Ben’s eyes were full of dark memories as he paced in front of her, his body all sharp angles and edgy, liable to explode at any moment. “My Uncle has no appreciation for the position I’m in,” he ranted. “He doesn’t understand what danger I’ve put I’m in by simply being here. And then he has the gall to  _ doubt me. _ ”

“Ben,” Rey said desperately, “Sit down. Please. Sit down.”

He threw himself down next to her on the sofa, and she took one of his trembling hands in hers and stroked it gently within her hands. The motion calmed him, and he sighed as some of the tension drained out of his body. After several silent moments, he looked at her, a rueful smile touching his lips, though his eyes were still bitter. 

“As long as I know you trust me, it doesn't matter to me what he says,” he declared, bringing her hand to his lips and solemnly kissing it while gazing at her. She nodded, feeling her guilt from earlier twist deeper as the questions she had planned to raise died on her lips. His eyes were so hopeful as he looked at her trustingly, and she found herself suddenly ashamed that she had doubted him. She saw now that to question him would only convince him that she didn’t trust him. And she _did_.  I do, she told herself firmly. 

  
_There must have been a good reason he was talking to that person_ , she told herself stubbornly, even as the seed of doubt planted itself between them.


End file.
